A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to calm my uterus...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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