I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
