I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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