HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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