If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
