dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
