You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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