We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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