Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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