everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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