im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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