i already hear my dad disowning me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
