You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
