I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
