ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
