guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
