i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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