She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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