So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
