It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
