What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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