youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
