I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
