Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
