i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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