You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
