i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
