Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
