Don't make out with my wife yet
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
