Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
