i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
