He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
