I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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