I feel great
I just peed on a car
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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