are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
