alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
