He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
