I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
