It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
