Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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