Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
