I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
