I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
