I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
