I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
