You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
