I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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