You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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