so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
