Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
