are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
